I want to be reminded of this myself. Very much.

🗣️ The Confrontation Principle

Caring for people should precede confronting people.

Conflict is like cancer. Early detection increases the possibility of a healthy outcome.

50% of the time people don’t realize there is a problem.
30% know there is, but don’t know how to solve it.
20% know, but don’t want to solve it.
…….
☑️  The Good News: 80% of the time conflict is solvable.

Did you know that conflict compounds when confrontation is not done quickly and correctly?

Our APPROACH matters.

⚠️ Harmful Strategies

1. Win at all costs 🏆
   ❌ You care more about winning the argument more than winning the person.
2. Pretend it doesn’t exist. 🌀 🤷🏼
   ❌  Builds up resentment and pain cycles
3. Whine about it.
   ❌  Playing Victim
4. Keep score.
   ❌  “Get even” mentality.
   ❌  Reliving past mistakes
5. Pull rank.
   ❌  Using position
6. White flag it. 🏳️
   ❌  Quitting is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

✅ Healthy Confrontation

1. Confront only if you care for that person.
   ☑️  Keep their interests in mind. Make it a WIN for both parties.
   ☑️  They MUST know you care about them.
2. Meet Together ASAP.
   ☑️  Over time, it will get worse.
   ☑️  Why? If people are put in a position to start speculating about another person’s motives or to try to figure out what might have really happened, they often think the worst. 😢  *human nature*
3. Seek Understanding first, not necessarily agreement.
   ☑️  Lincoln way: Think about 1/3 – You 2/3 – Them
   ☑️  You can’t reach understanding if your focus is yourself.
   

   ---

   The person who gives an opinion before he understands is human, but the person who gives a judgement before he understand is a fool.

4. Outline the Issue
   1. Describe your perceptions – Stay away from conclusions and/or statements about the person’s motives. WAG MUNA MAG ASSUME. OR MAGING NEGA.
      Just tell what you see or describe the problem you think is causing.
   2. Tell how this makes you feel – Express clearly and WITHOUT accusation.
   3. Explain why this is important to you 
      Hopefully, he/she will make it a priority of what you value.
5. Encourage a genuine response
   If they don’t have their say, they won’t be able to move toward a resolution to the problem. They will be focused on their response that they can’t hear anything else.
6. Agree to an Action Plan
   1. Clear Identification of the Issue
   2. Agreement to solve the issue
   3. Concrete steps that demonstrate the issue has been resolved
   4. An accountability structure
   5. Deadline for completion
   6. Commitment by both parties to put the issue in the past once resolved.

Measure of Success

1. ✅  Positive Change 
2. ✅  Relationship growth – The conflict you had just made your relationship stronger! 💪
   A dramatic turn of event
   

   ---

” If you would win a man to your cause,
✅ first convince him that you are his sincere friend.
❌ Assume to dictate his judgement, or to command his action, or to mark him to be shunned/despised, and he will retreat within himself.”

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Last words…

I realized how lacking or wrong my confrontations had been, and it now made sense why it wasn’t totally resolved or ended up getting worse.
A lot of golden nuggets can be taken from this book which is why I recommend YOU reading this. Right NOW!

I wished I had read this sooner and master its concepts.
It could’ve saved me a lot of unnecessary pain!
The good news is, it’s not yet too late for us! As long as we are still alive, we can still save and improve our relationships.

And yes, I think I will be posting more of my book notes more than travels for now. Especially now. Other things I am passionate about is self-development and taking notes out of it.
As a person, I still have a lot to improve. Learning never stops.
I hope you stick around, and let’s learn together! 😀

To more growth,

Happy Voyager